Anti MILFs- The Singles Review 14/11/2006

Pink- Nobody Knows
Christina, I take it all back. At least I know where I am with your warbly voice. The problem with Pink doing ballads is that she spends so much time telling you'll she'll kick yo ass in the rest of her songs, that when she tries to do 'emotionally honest heartbreakers' (read piano led snoozefests) i'm not sure if she's going to beat me up or collapse on the floor, crying. I miss 'U _ Ur Hand'. It sounds much better now than it did two months ago.
3/10

Westlife- The Rose
As with McFly, there's no point criticising Westlife. Anybody with half a brain knows that they're shite, but people buy their records regardless. They shameless target the over-40 anti-MILFs who only get one CD a year, which usually comes from Tesco. I'd like to think that even soulless Irish robots have souls, but i'm in doubt that they even have the artistic integrity of, say a Ward or Brookstein. The song itself is so boring, i actually want to listen to Pink's new single again. Louis Walsh has a lot to answer for.
2/10- Worst Single of the Week

Damien Rice- Nine Crimes
Oh wow, it's an even more 'troubled' James Blunt with art school sensibilities. Just what the housewives ordered.
4/10

Fergie- Fergalicious
Fergie seems to be, and I mean this in the nicest possible sense, an STD ridden skank who got lucky. However this means she's a deserving popstar. She has no likeable personality features, a voice that resembles a drain being unblocked and dances, to put it bluntly, like a spaz. The reason she's a deserving popstar isn't because of her music, it's because she knows that if she wasn't doing this, at best she'd be a waitress, at worst, she'd just be another drug addict living on the streets. If they weren't playing in irritating bands, indie groups all would have jobs at their father's company by now. But since Fergie probably can't read, if somebody asks her to rub cake all over herself, she'll do it gladly, fully aware that there's worse things in the world than icing in your nether regions. She might be being exploited, but she goes to a five star hotel at the end of the shoot.(Note- the song's dreadful)
4/10

Justin Timberlake- My Love
By now, Timbaland's like a high quality US crime or medical show (I'm talking CSI, House, etc.). He's got his main cast (Timberlake, Furtado, Omarion), his formula (near-genius beats, synths, lyrics about s-e-x), and occasionally throws in some guest stars for good measure (Timberlake's joined by craptacular US rapper TI). And like House or CSI, no matter how many times the formula's repeated, it's never any less than entertaining. I like Timberlake now he's obsessed with sex. Okay, so he might go a bit soppy on this, but you get the distinct feeling that if it moves, he'd shag it.
7/10

Robyn- Konichiwa Bitches (on The Rakamonie EP)
I've been in complete love with this song for about a year now. It's what Promiscuous might have sounded like if it included a lyric about "coming in your mouth" and less nudge nudge, hint hint. It's by no means the best song on the album (that honour goes to Handle Me. It's difficult to think of any other pop star who's described somebody as a "nazi creep" with quite so much joy). There's so many great moments here, I could spend all evening pointing them out and still have missed some (although highlights include the Cure sample and the part with the voice generator). Robyn makes quite a convicing case for single of the year.
9/10- Single of the Week