The Amazing New Alesha Video

It's Amazing. And classy to boot. Don't believe me? Read it and weep, bitches.

You can tell this'll be good. A proper old telephone! Who has those? I'll tell you who. Alesha. She don't take no shit from people who ring her mobile. Oh no. You want to speak to Alesha? You have to dial the operator.

This is clever. The line's about sitting near a window. She's sitting near a window. L!O!L!

Alesha and her Classy Dancers dance in a street. The song's classy, and you can tell the dancers are, because they're wearing hats. It's called conn-o-tations, people. Brilliant. Also, note Alesha's classy hairdo. That too is brilliant.

Here, the CLASSY Dancers are relocated to some kind of huge dome. But their classiness remains intact. This picture makes them look like the inverted Black and White Minstrels. They're not classy. If you're working for Alesha, you have to be classy.

Now you'd have thought that Alesha might need said dancers to retain the classiness levels throughout the whole video. Le shock! All she needs is a red curtain and a Monsoon dress. Even as she fellates the microphone, she does it with...class.

Accompanying the ridiculous 'ha ha ha' bit in the song is the ridiculous 'free bird' dance. However, the Classy DANCERS are back. And Alesha's hat is even sillier than it was before. It looks like it could be worn at Ascot Lady's Day. A classy event.

Oh no! The Classy Dancers are in 'normal' clothing. They've gone into some kind of seizure! Does anybody know CPR? You bet your ass Alesha does.

Phew. They're okay. All it took was the bird dance. Note how they all gather round Alesha. Her natural classiness simply glows from her, so they leech off it, knowing, until they get their 3 piece suits back from the dry cleaners, that further attacks could occur at any time.

So that was the brief gudie to Alesha's new video, 'Knockdown'. It's actually a rather good song. The watchword's 'classy'.