If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemon Incest- The Singles Review 25/09/06

High School Musical- Breaking Free
I'm tempted to give it 9/10 just to piss off Sarah, but it's a truly vile song. I'm not sure what I hate more- the diabetic fit inducing sugariness of the lyrics, the untalented stage school twats who overemote their way through the entire ordeal or the fact it could be used on an advert for viagra. Actually, for that reason it gets one extra point. But still...
2/10 Worst Single of the Week

Lily Allen- LDN
The sample's rather fabulous, and it's much better than Smile. But trying to appreciate a song about sunny London in rainy Manchester is quite difficult. I find that there's something quite hateable about Allen herself though. I'm not sure why, but at the end of the video where she got stood up, I was cheering. Also, the 'Tesco/alfresco' line may trying to be clever, but it's actually just crap.
7/10

The Streets ft. Pete Doherty- Prangin' Out
This works under the assumption that taking two artists who have lost all relevancy and have them make a song together will restore both to their former glory. It's doesn't. Skinner's last album was crap, and the only thing that differentiates Doherty from the rest of the drug addled starfuckers that fill the pages of Now and Heat is that he has the backing of the NME.
5/10

Evanescence- Call Me When You're Sober
Okay, so it's hardly 'Sahvvvvveeeee Meeeeeeeee 2', but Evanescence do a better job at epic popera than most others. And the bit when Lee sings the title is one of 2006's best pop moments. The rest is a bit phoned in, though given the choice between faux-goths and 28 year old 'high schoolers', i'd take this every time.
7/10

Lil' Chris- Checkin' It Out
Ha, this is rather unexpected. If you can get past the whole Gene Simmons approved thing (and also that he's ONLY TWO FEET TALL) it's the kind of song Matt Willis wishes he could make. Great backing vocals in the chorus too.
7/10

There's no single of the week, as no song scored above 7/10, and my new rule is that songs must score 8 or above to gain the title. If I was doing it for comedy purposes, it'd be High School Musical. But I'm not, so it isn't. Next week, wankers-du-jour, Razorlight.