Chart Prediction Fun- Week Two: The Week Of Horns

Adele- Cold Shoulder
Stringier than most of Ronson's productions, presumably because Madonna was borrowing all the trumpets this week. I've still got an awful lot of residual affection from Hometown Glory, so maybe I'm a bit biased when I say it's by no means the least crappy single of the week. But if Adele wants to maintain the whole 'nu-soul diva' hype, she's going to need something a little more showstopping than this. The video is a bit meh too. Ice statues, Adele shot a flattering, well lit angles. It would be wise to attempt a Rihanna-style work rate until she becomes relevent again.
Chart prediction: 15-20

The Wombats- Backfire at the Disco
A bit of light indie misogyny for a Sunday afternoon. Look kids, they're like you! They go to 'discos'! (read: indie shitholes with unisex toilets and barmen with £65 haircuts) They try to have sex with people! They have crazy, kooky band names! What a load of cunts. Hopefully, Los Campesinos' "four sweaty boys with guitars say nothing about my life' comment will go down as the defining statement of this decade's music scene. The video is a total shitshow too. Oh, they can play guitar. Colour me fucking impressed.
Chart prediction: 20-30

The Feeling- Without You
Crikey, this is a bit 'Magic FM', even by The Feeling's standards. And how long has Dan-thingy-wotsit had that strange country-esque accent? As songs about American tragedies go, it owns Alan Jackson's 9/11 schmaltzfest, at least. The bit that rhymes 'gunman' with 'London' actually had me reaching for the sick bucket. And does he not know that most mobile phones can tell you what time it is anywhere in the world? Seeing as it's about three months to late to cash in on the tragedy, and it is generally quite a shit song, this is an odd choice for single, don'tcha think?
Chart prediction: 15-20

The Hoosiers- Cops and Robbers
Why does everything that The Hoosiers release sound like the set up for a dramatic scene in some amateurishly written musical? Maybe it's because all their songs sound the same anyway, I dunno. In the current piano-MOR scene, The Hoosiers are Steps to The Feeling's Spice Girls, right? Obviously a bit shit, but they know that, and don't really mind, and it's all just a bit of fun, etc etc. Scouting For Girls are Scooch, obviously. So, yes, it's rubbish, but The Hoosiers are easily one of the least hateable bands around these days (even though the singer looks like a children's entertainer), and if that can be considered an endorsement, then do.
Chart prediction: 10-15

Madonna- 4 Minutes
I'm still not sure how I feel about this at all. It sounds HUGE. But it spends so much time sounding HUGE that it forgets to go anywhere, really. And like a lot of Timbaland productions, it's all chorus, and not much tune. But SexyBack made Metal Machine Music sound positively melodic, so it's hard to complain about that. I just wish Madonna would a) stop writing all her own lyrics, and b) realise that she doesn't need to follow trends, and concentrate on making a record as amazing as Ray Of Light. It's looking increasingly likely that she never will.
Chart prediction: Number 1