Chart Prediction Fun- Week Four: The Drums. The Drums. The Drums. The bloody Drums.

Only four songs this week, which is odd. Next week is hella busy, and we FINALLY get that Ashlee Simpson song. Seven words I never expected to write right there.

The Pigeon Detectives- This Is An Emergency
I wrote a rambling drunken comment on the Twisted Ear forums the other week about how Jay-Z at Glastonbury won't work, not because he's black or a rapper, but because "indie kids like big, stupid choruses as much as Hannah Montana fans". I'd like to think that This Is An Emergency isn't just more slightly catchy, but ultimately forgettable 'Now That's What I Call 2008 Indie' B-side fodder, but The Pigeon Detectives getting it. Realising that nobody cares how competent they are at playing guitar, or how curly their hair is- it's all smoke and mirrors for people who need something to sing along to, to shout and pretend it applies directly to their life, but don't want to hear it from a 'fake' band or someone with a vagina. So, another unremarkable middling guitar band from a city full of unremarkable middling guitar bands write a song that's actually a parody of the kind of track that gives these groups number one albums, but all the time knowing that the height of their career (pre-debut buzz) is over. Or maybe it's just that they don't know how to write anything else, and big stupid choruses are easier than, say, clever melodies or whatever. I've been listening to a lot of Buckingham-era Mac recently, and wondered why no modern rock band has made their Tusk. I guess it's because no modern band has made their Rumours. Or maybe i'm just being a bit Sandi Thom about the whole thing. Yeah, that sounds about right.
Chart prediction: Top 20

Hot Chip- One Pure Thought
Oh Hot Chip, why can't i love you? Why does the 'monkey with a miniature cymbal' line from Over and Over just make me go all cringey? And why can't i listen to anything by you and not think you're little more than a Happy Shopper LCD Soundsystem? Having already discussed the merits of Lindsey Buckingham, i'm veering dangerously towards 'male music fan' syndrome here, but do they have to sound so fucking reserved all the time? Have you ever noticed there's no climax, no resolution in any of their tracks? They always just go along, not sure what to do with themselves and only ending when someone remembers to press the fade out button. As is life, etc etc. Ho hum.
Chart prediction: 40-35

David Jordan- Move On
Interesting fact for fans of youtube tagging MAYHEM, this is tagged as 'Rihanna'. Y'know, if he tagged it a 'barely' and 'legal', he would probably get more views. Anyway, poor David Jordan. Ladyboy cheekbones, hair like Wanda Sykes, and that one dance move where he punches the camera but LOL NOT REALLY. The video looks like an advert for a mobile phone that plays music. I've not much more to say on this really.
Chart prediction: 75-60

The Ting Tings- That's Not My Name
Shouldn't like it. Should not like it. Again, it's the whole ethos of something deliberately stupid being rendered respectable and brilliant because it's done by people who play their own instruments. Like the Pigeon Detectives, but worse, much worse because this is almost out and out plagiarism. Seeing as Mickey features the second best use of a cheerleader chant in pop history, there's far worse places to nick from. And you get the feeling that unlike The Pigeon Detectives, The Ting Tings have never tried to cover Bob Dylan. Digital Spy said this could be number one. It doesn't sound like a number one record. But neither did Duffy. Or Estelle. Or Scooter. Get ready for Joanna Newsom's record breaking 11 week number one streak in 2009.
Chart prediction: Number 2.