Pass the sickbag, Marcel

Mika's new video is here.



I'd like it more if a) it had no lyrics, b) it wasn't basically a reheated (deep fried?) version of his last single and c) Mika himself didn't look like the bastard child of Jerry Seinfeld and Doctor Guy from Green Wing.

I guess his appeal lies in the fact he's a one man Playschool Scissor Sisters. For those who've not quite figured that Take Your Mama is about telling your mother that you're gay. Christ alive, the video even starts like Laura (if it were directed by Ken Loach). Because if you take away the wit, the subversiveness of the first album, the fact that Jake Shears is actually quite likeable, you're left with lift muzak. It's that point that Mika steps in and adds his (increasingly grating) vocals on the top.

There's nothing redeeming or positive about the song or video. It looks like a poundshop Feist promo, and the song itself is little more than a nursery rhyme for the WKD generation. Let's see how beautiful you feel when throwing up a kebab into the back of a taxi. It's a fucking hollow, insincere, hateful piece of shit, and the sooner Mika sinks from the charts forever, the better, frankly.

And if you honestly think that this is 'what British music needs', might is suggest you grow the fuck up and get onto something a little more adult. We'll start on High School Musical and work our way up from there.

Btw, Peter Robinson did an amazing piece on Mika being a twat, which i can't be arsed linking to, but which is worth 'checking out'.

He's going to the zoo, zoo, zoo

I don't know about you, but trips to the zoo for me meant a long journey down the M60, a few shitty, lazy animals, and coming home with a strong feeling of hatred towards wildlife and a piece of fudge shaped like an elephant. Clearly, R Kelly has something else in mind entirely.

His new song 'The Zoo' is essentially the follow up to 'Sex In The Kitchen'. The whole thing's one long extended metaphor for sex that's in turns disturbing and utterly fucking brilliant.

Highlights include
0.30- "It's like Jurassic Parc except i'm your Sex-a-saurus'
0.42- (Monkey noises) "Those are the sounds i want to hear" (not content with 14 year old girls, Kel is now shagging monkeys, 'pparantly.
1.58- "Like two cheetahs running free" (????!!??!)
2.07- "You're my safari" (Because i want to shoot you and use your teeth for piano keys)
2.15- "We're like coconut and banana trees"

Indeed.